I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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