just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
