i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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