I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
