I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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