Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize