My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
