You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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