Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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