On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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