She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
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