i was born a porn star she said
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
