Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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