Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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