Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
