Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
