Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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