Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
