she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
