Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
