i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
