brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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