i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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