all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
