what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
