I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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