I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
