Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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