Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
