I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
why do cheetos always look like penises
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I need to calm my uterus...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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