I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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