He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I just found puke in my bra..
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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