ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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