i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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