I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize