look no pants
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
