Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
