Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
