I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
