I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
