I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
