Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
3pm strippers are depressing
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
