Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
