Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
