Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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