Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
