"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
