what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
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