I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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