I feel like abortions should bother me more
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
