just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
