i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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