Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
