Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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