if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
