She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
