It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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