bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.