He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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