I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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