Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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