just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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