I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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