cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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