i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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