It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
