people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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