Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
