I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
