Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
