I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
