you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I AM VODKA MAN
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
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